June
During my first week of retirement I received emails like this.
Dear Chris, How was your first week? You need to ask yourself these questions.
1. Was sleeping in worth it?
2. Was missing the PUSD meeting at the hot and stuffy gym worth it?
3. Was missing the old Danish at the long meeting worth it?
4. Was missing the long drawn out pointless staff meeting worth it?
5. Was missing setting up your room worth it?
6. Was missing the first day with the children and parents worth it?
7. Was missing the broken xerox machine and laminator worth it?
8. Was missing doing duty in the hot sun worht it?
9. Was missing the hideous teachers lounge lunch worth it?
10. Was missing all the paper work worth it?
Come on. Be honest. Don't you want to sub for me?
I hate you , I hate you, I hate you, I hate you , I hate you!
July.
I'm not aware that I'm retired yet; except for this underlying sense of glee.
But then, I'm always off at this time so nothing is new. I don't know why I'm so thrilled really.
But, I am.
People tell me of their mandatory summer training in Paramount School District who lock stepped "No Child Left Behind" falling willingly George Bush's plot. I refuse to do what I know is wrong, teaching all children in the same way with the same mediocre strategies. I'd simply rather not teach at all if I can't do it right. I will not play victim nor victimize children. I feel guilty that I have escaped the insanity, but simultaneously proud. My overall feeling is one of sheer joy.
Other retirees aren't as gleeful as me. I don't get it.
August
I got the electronic call from the superintendent today inviting me back to work this Monday. I smiled all the why through the voice message. I don't have to go anywhere Monday.
I've got that same kind of energy one has when first visiting Bora Bora. You want to be sure and ride the mantarays and sail the cocktail catamaran and feed the sharks instead of just sitting on the sand and being. I feel like I could so easily be lazy and for some reason that would be the worst thing in the world. I must be productive. I'm making endless lists of projects and goals. I can't just "be". Yet.
Here's what I need to accomplish List:
Edit the children's books I've alreayd writtne.
Water color illustrations for the books.
complete all Dutch cow paintings.
Create "How Dutch Are You" show? Local cable? Radio? Utube?
Get "Miner Frank" on the air and sindicated
Repaint patio furniture in aboriginal dream patterns
paint a music chair for Tedster
paint all the yard tools aboriginally
take out all the side plants along the dog run
replant the garden
scan slides into iphoto
digitalize all the old albulms
make Mac books from all photos
Reorganize ipod
Use up gift cards and throw away
install attic ladder
store lawn furniture pads to safety
Get money back from Crate & Barrel for crappy furntirue
Make IDVD movie of honeymoon
Plan all parties until '08
Get Lost and Found stuff from Goddes Temple
Firgure out Charles Shwaw account
Clean closets
Organize shoes
Clean out garage and fix door
Fix fountain so it runs again
Learn to play Bass
Learn Tai Chi
Fix Sprinklers
purge old crap off of the computer
fix computer up
Clean out bird atrium and replum
Fix the lights
Rewrite teacher book and self publish
Sell all teacher clothes etc.
Sell on EBAY
Fix Playstation
Get a boat
Dye rugs black
Match up Jewelry
Learn to Mosaic
Learn to Weld
Get Disney Pass
reapolster furniture
Write Oprah/send Ted's soup project
Apply to "Are you smarter than a 5th Grader"
Write Amy Tan to mentor me
Relax and enjoy life because I really do deserve it
How did I ever work? There just isn't enough time.
I made my Bucket List of what I need to do before I die.
Egypt/sphinx/great pyramids
East Coast leaves turning in Autum
Salem Mass. for Halloween
Cuba
Portugal/Spain
Dollywood/Smokey mts/Nashville
Argentina, Chile, Train Trip
Columbia and visit Pat
Turkey and visit Luftu and Elsie
Pelenque
Michocan for furniture
Honduruas and island in middle
Montreal and train across Canada
Transcendental Tour of East cost
Burning Man
Islands off of S. Carolina
Feed the baby whales in Scalmons Lagoon
Turtle Hatching in Eastern Costa Rica
See the Big Indian in South Georgia
Northern New Zealand
Balls of String USA tour
Greenland/Iceland
Jamaica Sunsplash reggae festival
Get a boat
September
My past colleagues are all back to work. I'm not. It's joyous. The school across the street rings their bell around 8 and I roll over and go happily back to sleep. I can stay up as late as I want now. It's like I'm an adult. I'm free. Around 10, I've already showered and dressed and attempted some house straightening as I hear the chains of the tether balls across the street signifying first recess. I can't help but smile. Large.
I'm trying not to talk about it with my friends that still have to work. I don't want to gloat. I can't help it. I'm just so damn happy. I was meant not to work.
October
It gets easier to be Scarlett O'hara. "Tomorrow is another day". What doesn't get done today, can wait until tomorrow. My frantic pace is slowing down. I no longer have a need to swing by the post office or dry cleaners on my way to some other chore. There is no panic about anything. I still like punctuality, see it as par of commitment. If I'm late, I'm wasting others time and don't want to be selfish. But if it's an arbitrary time constraint that I've imposed upon myself, I no longer feel the compulsion to meet it. What will be, will be.
I still, however, have my lists, and continue to relish crossing things off of it. I've got a lot accomplished, but have a long way to go.
I had a huge garage sale and did away with my past "working" life. I threw away all my teacher clothes and accoutrements. I am beginning to unbury myself. I spent my first 50 years acruing possessions that I'm now going to spend the remaining years getting rid of. I feel I'm personifying George Carlin's skit on shit: it's all about store it it, move it it, categorizing it, getting rid of it. It's just shit.
Getting down the Halloween Decorations was both traumatic and back breaking. I'm now seeing a chiropractor. Pat and Roger gave us a drop down ladder to make storage in the attic. I can't wait for it to be installed so we have somewhere handy to store all of these decorations. There's just too many, but I can't seem to release any of them. There's such meaning attached to every little thing. The stuff is getting in the way of the stuff. Oh man, how did I not get bothered by this before? I can't tell if it's age or retirement.
November
The days of the week are blurring. I can take my weekend on Sun/Mon and be with my husband at last. I no longer have to weazel to take time off work to fit his schedule or weedle him to fit mine. My time is my time. It's so precious. I'm proud of all that I'm accomplishing. I'm somewhat denegrading my life long career and seeing it as keeping me away from my true passions...my projects. I love my Mac books and my wild yeard furniture and everything I'm doing. I no longer feel dread. It is all just so freeing.
I've begun to say that I'm self employed, rather than retired. I don't like fielding the judgemental looks and questions about what I'm doing with my time so that I feel obligated to make little speeches about the yard furniture and drawing cartoons.
I'm getting fatter. I'm so damn happy. But it doesn't look good. I look like I'm layin' around eatin' bon bons.
I'm learning to cherish my freiends that don't teach. The ones who are off on Wednesdays and Fridays. Like Amy. I now play both golf and tennis inspite of my ongoing back issue. I'm genuinely retired. I should take up Bridge as well.
December
In spite of the bad back, it was so much easier to do Christmas with work not getting in the way. The poor teachers across the street are working through until the 21st and my heart goes out to them. I can shop in the day time when the crowds are nil. I've already done most of my shopping on Ebay. I have time. It's all easy. rather than the whirlwind panic of 1 day home decorating and 1 day for the tree----we took a week each. We just did it when we were in the mood and found it joyful, rather than stressing on the "gotta get it done" syndrome. We are so much more relaxed. My lack of panic creates a mellowness for the Tedster. Since school calendars differ widely from district to district now, I kepp asking friends "when are you getting off?". I'm anxious for others to share this non working bliss with me. I feel like a Jesus Freak eager to share the words of the Lord. But I can't, as I figure everyone would like to be reitrec, they just can't yet. I feel very lucky.
I continue to mask my ecsatasy as much as I can.
Without the regular lows, the regular highs are changing. The thrill of Christmas vacation, for example. lNow it's more about the lights and the the parties and the friends and family, rather than the concept of VACATION. I am so thankful that I get to live on vacation. When others begin to dread that "oooooooooo I'm going back to work horror", I will continue to relish my good fortune that I don't.
I'm thinking about taking bartending classes in January and having Tedster hire me for banquets. I'm preparing for a time when my projects might not be enough. I may never actually go to work, but knowing bartending is a good thing to learn I think. I love alcohol. It's a shame it has so many calories. I should also take Pilades as the weight is tremendous already. My back would probably feel better if I didn't have such a huge front.
Planning Ted's 60th birthday party was a lot of fun. It's just a shame the poor baby can't retire. he doesn't seem to mind, however and is a very good sport. If the roles were reversed, I would mind.
January
I didn't retire to be a fucking housewife. Because I'm the one not going to work every day, I feel obligated to do more than my share around the house. I've been picking up dog shit, and taking out trash, and doing chores and tidying up and on and on. I hate that shit. That's why I wanted to be a working woman to begin with. I've always hated that shit. I don't want to make the bed. I don't want to do the dishes. I don't want to do the laundry. I want to float on a raft in the Carribean. I want to climb a pyramid. I want to sail the coast of somewhere. I've got to resolve my guilt. How large a staff can I manage on 1/2 the salary of a public school teacher? Gardeners, handymen, cleaning ladies, pool guys, plumbers, electricians, roofers, exterminators and on and on. I need to get rid of more shit. My big tip to young people is "don't get shit"? Acquire nothing.
I'm dieting. I'm grouchy.
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